*warning- this will be a long post
it was exactly a year ago this week when i met my best friend in the entire world.
who is that might you ask?
josh ryan barnett.
me and joshers don't talk much anymore due to a lot of complications and drama and lots of big problems. but josh would be there for me in a heartbeat if i ever needed him. josh is the sweetest, kindest and most respectful guy you will ever meet. he holds the doors open for little old ladies. he once gave his Christmas work bonus to a single mom because she was struggling with money. he gave up his ticket to a play to a single dad so he could watch his daughter preform. watching josh and the relationship he has with his mom absolutely melts my heart. he is at her bedside every second that he can be. josh is one of my heroes. i am a better person today of knowing josh for the short period of time that i got to be around him. the relationship me and josh have is a sweet one, i can look at him and know exactly what hes thinking & feeling. josh can say one word and make me laugh. josh was there for me every second i needed him. one night i was having a bad night and he came and picked me up, as i got into his truck the first thing he said was "start talking." he has always listened to me complain and whine about everything and he never asked for anything in return. he has always been to my shoulder to cry on- literally. josh always knew the perfect thing to say to get a smile on my face. it doesn't matter if i was mad at him, he would still get me to laugh. he is such a sweet, sweet guy that is trying to do his best. he loves his family more than anything on this earth. i loved the nights when he would sit with me and talk about the church, he would tell me stories about how his faith was strengthened and we should share our testimonies with each other. me and josh talked about everything under the sun. he taught me more about life than i had ever imagined. he taught me that there is more to life than material things. he got me into my favorite sport, nascar. he taught me about the country, and the good things in life. he gave me some of my most memorable times of my life. i also love his mom, Donna. she is an amazing lady. she devotes all her time to other people, no matter how sick she is. she is so selfless. i truly look up to her. i wish so badly that she could get better and get out of her bed and go do the things she wants to do. she is a simply amazing woman.
so its been a whole entire year, and this year has been the best year of my life. its also been the worst, hardest and saddest year of my life. you honestly don't know what you have until its gone. and i can say i am truly blessed for being able to spend that time with the Barnett's. now your probably all wondering why i don't see josh anymore? it had nothing to do with him. he didn't hurt me in any way. it was all my fault and a stupid decision i made. and i regret nothing more than what i did. i wish i could take it all back and still hang out at the Barnett's house on saturday afternoons and watch nascar. i miss the Barnett's more than anything on this planet. my heart literally hurts when i think about being at that house. i miss the Barnett's more than anything, they have changed me.
now me and josh don't see each other anymore but we still talk every once in a while and josh is still just as nice to me. even though im the one that messed everything up he still asks me if im doing okay and he STILL listens to all my problems. he still is my shoulder to cry on even if i really cant cry on his shoulder anymore. josh is the type of person that would take a bullet for a stranger. he gets it from his mom. josh has a heart of gold and could never hurt a girl if he tried. he cares about everyones feelings. there are so many things that remind me of the winter i spent with the Barnett's. every time i hear a song that reminds me of them, my eyes fill up with tears and i get the biggest smile on my face. when i think of memories with them, my heart gets heavy and it starts to hurt, yet, im still smiling.
technically ive KNOWN josh for a whole year. i only got to spend six months of it with him before i screwed everything up. ive only been talking to him for the last six months, and the funny thing is, our relationship hasn't changed that much. we may not be able to see each other but we are still just as close and we still share our secrets and problems. im glad that i have a best friend that can get through any trial with a good attitude about it. if josh wasn't here by my side i would have lost it months ago. im glad he sees things as the glass half full. im so thankful that him and his family were in my life for the time that they were. but im extra thankful for josh still being here for me today.
im also thankful for:
and the whole walkers gang
for making it the best 365 days of my life.
this is the first night i ever met josh
my favorite picture of us
willy and josh and me
me and josh at corn bellies for the corn maze
the biggest crack in his windshield that angie made
trying to get all 4 of us in the picture. FAIL
could always make me laugh.
like a little kid in a candy store.
loved nothing more than washing his truck
driving in the old pick up with angie
just lounging haha
the redneck thunder.
trying on masks at the halloween store
me and angie with our big brother
me and angie decorated his room
oh my smile...
trying to get all 4 of us
i love you & and i miss you more than anything big country
im sorry for what i did to ruin everything.
thank you for staying by my side through all of this
and thank you for staying strong when i couldnt.
you are my hero.
thank you for everything.