10.04.2010

bitter-sweet.

fall always brings back bittersweet memories for me, but i think this fall is going to be harder for me than the ones in my past.
four years ago during fall i was going through my first real break up with a boy whom i thought i loved. but thats silly because i was far to young to be in love. well i guess your never to young to love but now that i look back it wasnt love. anyways i was quite miserable that fall and quite frankly i never want to re live that. but im afriad as this fall season rolls around again that im going to be re-living those sad feelings. except with this fall its a different boy, a different family, and different friends.
last fall was the most wondeful fall of my life. as one year has passed by and its that time of year again, i cant help but feel sad because things are not the same. trust me its for the better but im still sad because im going to be missing out on all the festivities with those people. i always dread fall. for some reason its just the heart breaking season for me. fall brings winter, and last winter was by far the hardest and lonliest time of my entire life. so today as i felt the cold wind for the first time i couldnt help but feel bad for myself. it brings back so many memories and i cant help but miss the fall i was in love. fall is such an amazing time, the leaves, the crisp air, the clothes, the hot chocolate and pumpkins. thanksgiving, and corn mazes and cookies baking. beef stew and scary movies. haunted houses, chainsaws, and warm clothes. but this fall, im dreading.
last fall/winter i,
went trick-or-treating in alpine
went to corn bellies twice.
got lost in a corn maze for hours
cheated in a corn maze
got chased by a chainsaw
watched scary movies in a blanket
was worm and cozy
carved pumpkins
helped donna cook stew
ate stew
hung out on christmas day
had a snowball fight
camp fires
exchanged christmas gifts
ate lots of stuffing
watched santa clause is coming to town
did doughnuts in church parking lots
watched nascar.
stayed up late talking underneath blankets by the glow of the lamp.
made cookies
many, many drives up the canyon
rode 4 wheelers
played in the snow

and you know what. i miss it.
this fall season brings love in the air for me.
of course there is really no love in the air, but there was last year.
it makes me sad that things changed, its for the better, but i miss it this fall.

im going to be depressed.
ive had a love/hate relationship with fall for many years.
but this fall is going to be the hardest one yet.
notice the colors of the leaves?

trick or treating in the barnetts camo

carving pumpkins.

oh fall 09 please come back to me.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

oh dear melia.
this makes me so sad.
i remember you telling me all about it last year.
and don't worry my dear.
this is a new year.
be determined to get back up and to love where love is needed. don't worry about it.
but also, don't sit around and be sad.
your much stronger than that.
i love you friend and hope you can see how great of a person you are.

melia said...

well whoever you are, you just made me cry. in a good way.