4.21.2011

melia 2.0

i want to live a good life.
i want to life a happy, full, amazing life.
these last two years have been emotionally draining for me and ive hit rock bottom mentally. no, im not depressed but i am just so tired of my mundane life. all my emotions have been drained out of my body and there are no tears or grudges left for me to hold. i am numb half the time, tired of being tired. tired of being sad and tired of living in the past. my whole life revolves around my past. why cant i just cant move on? these years have been the toughest, hardest most up-hill battles ive had to face so far in my life. and im sick of it. i want to be happy, i want to be positive and i want to have energy. i want to make friends. i strain my brain and i can still only count all my friends on one hand. im so sick of revolving my life around when my friends arnt with their boyfriends. i want to live for myself, im tired of trying to get my old friends back. im tired of josh. im sick of hearing his name, im so sick of saying it. i just want to be done. i don't want to hear it anymore, that boy is not what defines me. he is not a part of me anymore. he is my past and thats how its going to stay. 
so this is it.
im going to be positive. im going to have energy. im going to try to do as many things as i can with my friends that i do have now, because college is coming soon and i'll probably never see them again. im going to live for myself, and im going to live for others that matter to me. im going to become a nurse, and learn about all my patients that i possibly can. i want to learn about their first love, their war stories, their trials and their children. i want to know their hearts. i want to know people for the great human beings they are. i want to find true love and i want to show my prince charming how much i love him. i am tired of negative. my whole life is negative. im sick of hating my life, and im sick of this stupid old rut in stuck in. im changing it. i want to stop being so shy, i want to be outgoing and talk to strangers. i know its in me, but im too shy. i want to STOP with my grudges and start liking the people i detest. i spend too much time & energy disliking people, so it stops now. i could find something better to waste my energy on. i want to love everyone, and find the good in people. i want to stop with the rude comments and negative words. and its stopping here.
so this is a promise to myself. im going to change for the better.
you know, it only takes 21 days to form a habit. so 21 days of me being happy and then it will be a habit.
this is melia 2.0

ill end in a quote from my best friend angie.
"don't let the past ruin your future. move on from it and live with what you have. don't look back on it and ruin what you have now. because there is a reason the past didn't make it to this point in your life."