7.06.2011

taking baby steps

sometimes i feel like i don't deserve that boy. im not used to being treated like a princess. the last year or so of my life i thought i was never going to find another guy. i thought i was forever stuck in a sloppy mess of drama and heartbreak. the last year of my life i have hid my emotions behind a brick wall, due to a broken heart that was trying to heal. i had closed my heart off to anyone that tried to open it. i had been hurt so bad in my past, i told myself that no other guy would ever be worth it. i had completely closed my heart off from the world. i didn't want to re-live what i had to go through with josh. i don't wish that upon any person, what i had to go through with him. after what me and josh went through, i basically checked out from everything. that was until i met the mister. he came into my life at the most random time, without any warning. i met him, and i immediately knew this boy was different. my heart was still a solid brick, but i had a feeling things would soon change. the second i met him, he made me feel like a princess. he treats me with respect and always pays attention to my needs, something the last boy didn't do. he makes me feel like there is no other girl quite as important as me. he makes me feel safe, and happy. he makes me smile. i trust him, unlike the last boy. its been over a year since ive let anyone into my life. and to be honest, it makes me scared. sometimes i don't know how to act around him, because hes just so amazing. im not used to being treated this good, because the last boy certainly didn't treat me the way i should have been treated. i feel vulnerable, because im afraid he is too good to be true. i feel like i'm finally unlocking the safe that's been around my heart. and im scared. im scared to put myself out there again in fear that this will end up the same way it did last time. all these feelings are new to me, i haven't experienced them in a long time. all the heartbreak and pain haunts me from my last relationship, but i know i don't have to worry because the mister isn't like the last boy. im scared, but i know i'll be okay because i have the mister right by my side. sometimes i feel like i don't deserve him, because all im used to is being treated like crap. but i am miss melia, and i deserve nothing less than to be treated like a princess. and the mister does just that. the last boy made me feel so insecure, and the mister makes me feel secure. im being hesitant about the whole thing because im afraid its too good to be true. but, im learning to open up, one step at time. all thanks to the mister who cared enough to try and open this locked heart of mine.

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