want want want

i want to marry a country boy more than anything on this entire earth.
please, be out there somewhere.


cesarean section

today at my internship i watched a c-section. that will be an experience ill never forget.
we walked up to the OR, scrubbed up, and walked in. the smell of sterilization came over me.
i saw the mom there laying on the operating table, and her husband right beside her stroking her forehead, trying to calm her the best he could. the blue curtain went up, and the surgery began. i didn't get grossed out, surprisingly. the room wasn't tense, in fact all the nurses and doctors were cracking jokes. if i ever have to have a c-section, i wont be scared. finally they pulled the baby out. what a moment. life is such a miracle. i cant put into words how amazing and spiritual it was to see the birth of a baby. the baby started to cry, and the mom's heart melted. she cried tears of joy and the husband cried too. i had to choke back my tears, it was so emotional. they carried the baby over to get cleaned up and weighed. they wrapped the baby up and brought it over to the mother that was still laying on the operating table. the look on her face was priceless. she couldn't have been more proud. babies are miracles. watching the dad made me think about what type of man i want to marry. it also made me think about my future. i thought a lot while i was in that operating room. i thought a whole lot about what type of dad i want my husband to be. i thought a whole lot about my future children.  

first of all, i want to learn as much as i possibly can before i ever think about having a child. i want the best for my baby, and i want to be able to teach my child. i will graduate from high school and i will graduate college with a bachelors degree. it baffles me how some people think that they can support a baby while they drop out of high school and work in retail. like their lives are actually going anywhere....
second, my  husband WILL get a college education. i want a husband that can provide for my children, one that is financially stable. i do not want to bring any children into this world without an education or a job. i want the very best for my children, and i will marry a man that can help me provide that.

i can honestly say watching that c-section today changed my life.  


she thinks were just fishin

i went fishin with spencer today.
caught my first fish.

love it.


enoughs enough.

get a freaking life.

it is so hard to be the bigger person.
so many times i feel like snapping, and letting it all out.
but, i will be the bigger person here and keep quiet.


pin it

why didnt i start this sooner!?


the road and the radio

ever heard a song that makes you cry? the kind of song that fits your life so perfectly that you listen to it over and over again, because it says the words that you cant say yourself. well, i found that song today.
today i miss kolton. he means a lot to me.
its never easy trying to get over someone you liked so much.

what i call a good weekend.

last night, since people were really chapping me, i hung out with angie to get my mind off things. first off, shes always so great to talk to. i feel comfortable telling her anything, and she always listens. it was nice to get the anger off my chest. anyway, we went and got our favorite red mango. it was so good. after red mango, we met up with our friend spencer and talked. this really good song came on, so i got out of the car and started dancing. turns out that me, angie and spencer ended up having a full on dance party up at grove creek park. dancing on the hood of my car, and in the bed of spencer's truck. it was fun, until the cops came.
later in the night, me and angie met up with some of our others friends, chris and nic. we talked with them for a while and went for a nice cruise in chris' new car. later we ended up going to walmart, for the 2nd time that night. i finally got home around one in the morning.

today, i woke up at the butt crack of dawn and put my running shoes on. my family went to a diabetes walk because my cousin brooke who is seven, has had diabetes for the last 4 years. all my family from st george was up here, and we all had a good time walking 3 miles together. it was quite the fun morning. a cute boy approached me who i didn't recognize. he said "nice to see you again." i stood there trying to figure out what to say, it was quite awkward. i didn't know who he was. he shook my hand and he said, "your from pleasant grove right? you came hottubbing at my house that one night." OH! the light switch in my brain came on. that was like 4 years ago, in st george. this guy has a very good memory! i cant believe he remembered me from that night, i sure as heck didn't remember him! me and courtney (yes his name is courtney) ended up talking through the whole diabetes walk. he was giving me advice on what college to choose. he is a nice guy, and very cute! tonight, i am going to a family bbq, and turns out that cute boy is going to be there tonight too. im looking forward to it.


peaches and cream

i went to the doctor today and i have a torn rotator cuff. physical therapy, here i come.


this is important, bloggers!

I'm going private.
i started a blog to express myself, but that cant happen anymore due to some problems.
fortunately, all you 24 followers are more than welcome to join me as i go private.
you can all comment, give me your e-mail and i will invite you all, i promise. in fact, i would actually love to have you guys follow me. so please, send me your e-mail.
one day, i will go public again. but for now, private is best.


my life

"Silence is a girls loudest cry. You can always tell shes really hurt when she starts ignoring you."


all i want is a good stack of chocolate chip pancakes. is that too much for a girl to ask for?

tip #432789

don't ever tell a girl, "don't worry about it."
that's ALL she is going to do.

i'm chapped & frustrated.
i feel like its always one step forward and two steps back.
i always expect so much from people, and when they don't meet up to my expectations i get frustrated. i guess that's my fault. but really, some of it isnt so much to ask for. why do i have the worst luck, with everything? please, college come faster. i know ive said it before and im sure ill say it again. im done with this place, done with the people and ready for a fresh start. im ready to move out and move on from my past. when i move to college, i can be whoever i want to be. i can break out of my shell, meet new people and move on from this dumpy high school career ive had. i know its my fault that my life like this, but its too late to correct them now. i just wish i could skip over this and start over. i just cant stand people here anymore. and no, its not the people that i don't know that bug me. its my 'friends' that bug me. they treat friendship like its a "whenever they feel like it" kind of thing. when i think of friends, i think of forever. not just "part-time." im really just chapped right now, i don't even know why. ive made so many mistakes in my past i just wish i would have listened to my parents the first time. i was so dumb when i was younger. i need a break.

blahblahblah. im done.


this one time i wrote a paper for school...

I’m usually the shy girl in the background of the scene. I have strong opinions, but most of the time I’m too quiet to share it with others. I don’t like being the center of attention and try to avoid it at all costs. I wish that I could break out of my shell and not be shy, but it’s my security blanket that’s holding me back. I trust easily, and give second chances out like they are candy. This sometimes is a disadvantage because I tend to let people walk on me without noticing. I may be quiet and shy, but once I feel safe around a person, I really open up and show my true colors. I like to be understood. I like when people know what I’m thinking, yet, I often try to hide my feelings. I love to listen to others, but sometimes wish people would listen to me more closely. I speak sarcasm like it is my second language, and have a witty sense of humor. I don’t have many friends, but the ones I do have, I keep close to my heart. I’d rather have 5 best friends than 100 acquaintances. When I love, I love hard. When I say I love someone, I mean it. If there is one thing I pray I never lose, it’s my hope. Without hope, I think I’d be lost. I do have a bit of a wild side, which only my closest friends know of. To the world I look like a reserved lady, but on the inside I’m really just a wild child. I find that I am happiest when I am doing something nice for others. I’d rather be helping a stranger, than shopping for myself. I try to be selfless, not selfish. When it comes down to it, I’m just a normal girl trying to find her spot in this messed up world. I get closer every day. I love to set goals for myself, and I don’t stop until I achieve them. The best feeling in the world is accomplishing a goal I’ve set. Sometimes I live in the past, and I hold onto my memories with all that I've got. I have an unhealthy love for the country and cowboys. Nobody will ever understand my obsession. I wish it was easier to share my feelings, but I don’t think anyone truly knows what makes me tick. I know I put on a tough outer shell, but I’m not as tough as I seem. I’m waiting to find the person that isn’t afraid to break into my shell. I like boys that are tall, respectful, funny and kind. I will not settle for less than I deserve and I learn from every one of my mistakes. I’m striving every day to become a better person, but it’s an uphill battle. I’m Miss Melia and I’m happy with who I am.

i wish

chillin on a dirt road, laid back swerving like im george jones.

that looks like heaven right there.
i could use a nice drive in a truck with the windows down and country music blaring. im sick of the world.


feed call

yesterday, i hung out with kolton and zach. kolton has this passion, scratch that, obsession with hunting ducks and geese. i think its good for people to have something they love so much. i completely support him with all of it. if it makes him happy, then ill back him up. anyway, yesterday he entered this duck calling competition at cabelas. it was his very first competition and he was super nervous. kolt was one of the youngest guys there. overall, kolton ended up taking 5th place. which i think is amazing. it was his very first competition, and the guys he was up against were good. im proud of him. i know he was scared to death and so nervous, but he got up there anyways and did it. he's so good at duck calling. i dont think i could ever get sick of listening to him do it. he blows my mind.

i like that boy.
p.s. i love my bishop. i had to go to a meeting this morning, and about 8 other people were there. he gave them all a handshake, and when it was my turn, he pulled me in and gave me a giant hug. he said "sorry, melia is the only one that gets a hug. shes like my second daughter" it made me feel pretty great (:


better than homecoming

homecoming? whats homecoming?
i boycotted the football game, and went and did something a little more up my alley. i mean, why go to the homecoming game if i didn't even get asked to homecoming? whatever, i don't really care. but when kolton asks me to go  hunting with him, id much rather go do that then watch a football game. so tonight i went on the bow hunt with kolton and some other friends. we all met up, decked out in our camo. we headed up american fork canyon, to the tibble fork reservoir. we parked the truck and it was pouring rain. pouring may be the understatement of the century, but it gets the point across. we sat in the truck for a while waiting for the storm to pass, but it never did. we decided to have an adventure and go out in the rain. me and kolton got on the fourwheeler, while the other boys stayed in zach's truck we named, "lil wyte". me and kolt took off up the trail, while zach and dj followed behind us in the nice warm truck. we rode for what seemed like hours, but it was probably just an hour. and it was freezing. the rain was pelting down on our faces, and every puddle we drove through, my hiking boots would get soaked. by the time we reached the top of the mountain, me and kolton were drenched. but it was so much fun, he had me laughing the whole time. there is honestly no one else id rather be sitting on a four wheeler with. it was so pretty up in the mountains, deep green trees against a grey cloudy sky. the fog rolled in between the pines and it was absolutely breathtaking. me and kolton kept an eye out for deer, and only saw little does. we started to head back down the mountain when it was dark. we got back down to where the vehicles were parked at tibble fork, and we loaded up the wheeler. i dumped the lake of water out of my boots and climbed in the truck where kolt gave me a nice, warm, dry hoodie. me and kolton shivered the rest of the way home with the heater on full blast.

honestly, going four wheeling in the rain was a billion times better than homecoming.
that's one game i wont regret missing.
id rather be in the mountains with my best friends, than at a football game with people i don't know.

sorry, i wish i could have taken pictures. but bringing a camera in that down pour wasn't exactly practical.


to pass the time

while i have nothing to talk about, please listen to this song. its the absolute sweetest.
oh but i do need to say something, and that is make sure you smile.
being in the hospital quite often, i know how important it is to smile at everyone. it doesn't matter if you know them or not, just smile. it will make their day. you never know what hard things people are going through. 

p.s. this song was uploaded to youtube by someone who's username is NASCARROCKS.
kind of made my day.


3 people i miss

i haven't seen you in about a month. i think that's far too long. i got used to seeing you almost every day during the summer, and now i never see you at all! i really hate it. i know your busy with hunting, and work and a bazillion other things, but i miss you! i could really use an ice cream right now and a good chat in the front lawn with niko, sitting on your favorite duck blanket. remember the first day we met each other? i had butterflies the entire drive out to lehi, and those butterflies have never left. that first night, you bought me a large shake, even though i wanted a small. you've always been nice like that. by the way, your accuracy with a gun really blows me away. anyway, i hope you haven't forgotten about me, because i sure haven't forgotten about you. hey, im counting on those haunted houses next month.

honestly some days you really just drive me up the wall. but don't you worry, i cant stay mad at you for too long. i love our chats about the stupidest things. i can mess around with you and you wont take it personally. we fight like brother and sister but that's okay, because you take my crap which you dish back too. i cant wait to go to jason aldean with you. (yeehaw) every time i hear the song "creepin" i think about you crawling around kolton's truck and jumping on the hood. we need to hang out soon.

ya jack wagon! i say your name and i start laughing. i think you may be one of the funniest guys ive ever met. but then again, its not very hard to make me laugh. from the second i met you, i was dying of laughter. "okay, i'll go get my benadryl!" or that stupid idea you had to tie a rope to a stuffed dog and drag it across the street at night. or, the time i about busted a gut laughing over the "plastic fire pit" ordeal. well, i think our time is far over-due to hang out again. lets have another fire in the plastic fire pit soon!

i miss you guys. ):


cottonwood fallin' like snow in july

so maybe not exactly what i look for in a guy, but its cute enough.


what i learned from this day.

Osama Bin Laden your a coward that counts on others,
but here in America, we stand by our brothers.
What you tried to kill, doesn't live in our walls;
its not in buildings or shopping malls,
because pride and courage cant be destroyed;
... even if the towers leave a deep void.
But now our energy will focus on you;
and you will feel the wrath of the
Red, White and Blue.

has it already been ten years? i remember this day like it was yesterday. when people see or hear the date 9/11 i assume their hearts sink. i know mine does. it seems like a grey cloud covers america on this day. before 2nd grade, this day had no meaning to me. but now when this day comes along, i cant help but feel a little gloomy. sorrow fills my heart for everyone that lost a loved one, or lost their life for that matter. but after i think about it for a while, this day makes me freaking proud to be an american. yes, a lot of people died, which is horrible. but the fact that so many americans stepped up to the plate and gave their lives to save others, that makes me proud. the amazing out-pouring of love moves me. the firefighters and police officers and EMTs  that risked their lives to save others. 9/11 may be a day that a cloud hangs over the united states, but its also a day that americans become united. that's what 9/11 did to us. it united americans as a whole, and im thankful to be apart of that. 9/11 brings out the compassionate, loving, courageous, caring souls of america, and i love that.

it was about seven in the morning and i was getting ready for school. we didn't have carpet or anything in our house, because that day we were planning on getting new hardwood floor installed. i remember all the furniture in our house was moved, making way for the new wood. i was pouring myself a bowl of cereal, when i heard my dad tell my mom to come see what was happening on tv. i grabbed my cereal and went and plopped myself on a camping chair in the living room, because all the other furniture was gone. i remember the exact picture i saw. the first image i saw of the twin towers will never leave my mind. i didn't understand at all what had happened, but i did understand that my parents had a look of fear on their face. on my way to school, we listened to the news on the radio. i went to school and i remember we had a moment of silence. i remember kids in my 2nd grade class were crying. we were scared, we didn't know what was going on. when i got home my mom explained to me what was happening. i didn't understand the whole terrorism thing. but my mom started to cry, and it made me cry. she explained to me that millions of people's life's would forever be changed because of this. she explained to me that so many peoples life's were taken. she explained to me all the aching and heart ache that would come out of this.
 just think about this.
all of those people that were trapped in the towers, that literally came face to face with hell. knowing that they were going to die that morning. the pure fear running through their veins, knowing that their life was over. knowing that they had no chance left, knowing that there was no escape. think about what went on inside those towers. people probably hugged each other and cried. people probably screamed in desperation and clinged to the little hope they had left. they told each other how much they loved each other, and they called their families and poured out their hearts and their love. at that fateful moment, their life flashed before their eyes. im positive the only thing they were thinking about were their families. they didn't think about that stupid girl they hated in high school, or the person that broke their heart in junior high. they weren't thinking about the phone bill that needed to be paid, or their jerk of a boss. and im sure they didn't even care that they were having a bad hair day. at that moment they didn't care about the little things, they didn't care about their problems. all they thought about was their families & loved ones. so let me ask you this,

when your life flashes before your eyes, are you going to have something to watch?

don't sweat the little stuff, because when it all comes down to it, its about family. don't worry so much, because when your life flashes before your eyes, that stuff wont matter. family matters.


me and my gang

i'll be perfectly honest here, i really don't like rascal flatts. i know i like country and all but there is a few bands i just don't like. rascal flatts being one of them. but i do however, obsess over justin moore. he one of the opening acts for rascal flatts, along with sara evans, who i also don't like. originally the plan was to buy tickets just to see justin moore, and then leave once rascal flats came on stage. but ya know, that's just a flat out waste of money. so anyway, to all you people out there going to see rascal flats tomorrow, make sure you belt at the top of your lungs all of justin moore's songs. also, blow him a huge kiss for me. i seriously love justin moore and i seriously think that justin should be head-lining not rascal flatts, but whatever. tear up the concert for me.

OH IM SO JEALOUS OF YOU PEOPLE GOING. to bask in the glory of justin moore... now thats somethin.

think of me when he sings "how i got to be this way" and "bed of my chevy"


a slice of my day

im in love.
with my internship.
today was my first day at the hospital. im working in the respiratory department. i basically get to go throughout every department in the hospital, except for labor. but that's alright. i was doing rounds with a respiratory therapist and we got to go into the nursery to check up on all the tiny pre-mature babies that were using oxygen. what cuties! everyone spoke with a whisper, careful not to wake the tired babies. i could see little things squirming underneath the piles of blankets. when i stepped closer to get a look, i saw the most precious little face staring right up at me. the cutest little eyes i ever did see. so innocent, and so adorable. after we did rounds in the NICU, we headed to where the babies go right after they are born to be cleaned up. wow! what an experience. i walked in the room, and a long came this little baby, not even ten minutes old yet. the little babe was struggling for it's life, and i watched as the nurses & therapists helped fight its battle. isn't that something? here i am, complaining over nothing and this little baby is trying it's hardest to take another breath. it makes me feel like my problems are so little compared to how hard the baby is fighting. of course the daddy was right there the entire time, so concerned and thoughtful of his new born. i could tell dad was tired, more like exhausted. but he never once took his eyes of his child. that's what i call love. those babies are so adorable. IM IN LOVE!

oh, and to the douche that paint-balled my garage, you are a real champion. i hope you feel super great that my mom is out there scrubbing it off right now. two thumbs up for you!
and people wonder why i only hang out with older people....


it was labor day weekend, i was seventeen

i bring tidings of good joy.
these beauts came in the mail.
all six of them.
yes, they sure are my jason aldean tickets.

in other news:
angie fell down the stairs today, it was classic. i haven't laughed that good for a while.

also, when people talk about labor day, all i can think about is the tim mcgraw song "something like that"
maybe you should listen to it and then you would know what i was talking about.

i went to aerobics today. i might have cried. i have never been so incredibly sore in my life. so what do me and angie do? we go to wingers to make ourselves feel better. we are a mess.

i spent a good hour talking to my long lost best friend spencer today. we went up to grove creek park and had a nice chat about everything under the stars. i missed that kid.

i got a flu shot today. ive had enough shots in the last couple months to last me a life time. this shot probably hurt the worst though. i've never had a flu shot before, but i had to get one for my internship.

speaking of internships, i get to go to AF hospital starting tomorrow. its going to be the best. i get to wear scrubs and all. this internship thing makes me all excited.

i like these girls


im always up for a challenge

here's the deal(eo)
i was at the gym tonight like every other normal night, except something definitely wasn't normal. oh i know what it was, i was the only one there. i know it was a holiday and all, but its labor day people, not christmas. i have never once in all my nights of going to the gym, been the only person there. usually its packed with exercise-o-holics! i walked up the stairs and heard no weights crashing to the floor, heard no music blaring, heard no feet pounding on the treadmills and no basketballs bouncing. what the heck? i must say, its quite enjoyable having an entire gym to yourself. i ran around the track in my own little world, listening to my music and even singing a long. no one was watching me, i didn't have a care in the world. so that got me to thinking... why arn't there bazillions of people out there enjoying exercise like i do? i wish every person out there got the same amount of pleasure from running that i do. i was sad the gym was empty, its usually such a lively place. i felt like everyone should have been at the gym tonight working out. which also got me to thinking... ive gone go the gym every night for the last year and a half and haven't lost any weight. you know why? because i eat like a pig. yeah, i have legs as strong as thor's hammer but nothing else is toned. so here's the deal, im going to loose five pounds by christmas. five pounds doesn't seem like a big deal, but im not even big to begin with, so i think its realistic. plus, its during the holiday season and that's when all the good food is around. its going to be a challenge for me, but im going to do it. im going to give up all my mountain dew, del taco and costa vida. (for the most part) and try really hard to eat fruit and vegetables. so bloggers, you are all welcome to join me on this challenge. five pounds by christmas. come join me at the rec center at 7:30 each night. (yes angie, i mean you)
i'll see you all tomorrow.  



cant wait to see him in concert!

his voice is as smooth as melted butter.
chris young is to die for.
this song makes me want to be cuddled up with a cowboy underneath the stars.

dear future cowboy, wherever you are out there, i sure hope you sing this song to me one day. it would sure mean a lot. and id probably marry you right then and there too.


goodbye, job.

today was a bitter-sweet day. it was my last shift working as a lifeguard. i whined all day saying i didn't want to go to work, id rather just let someone else take my shift. but i hauled my butt to work, and im sure glad i did. i love that place. it was the best first job i could ever ask for. that place is truly my second home. i feel more at home in the guardroom than i do in my own bedroom. that place is full of laughs, jokes, friends and smiles. not once was i ever put down, or made fun of. im going to miss my pool family so much. and we really are just that, a pool family. we have each others backs, and i trust every single one of those lifeguards with my life. we save lives together, and that really brings us together as a pool family. im going miss that pool so much. i cant even begin to describe how much fun it was working there. i honestly couldn't think of a better job. tonight as i was pulling the covers for the last time, i looked around the dark, empty pool and felt so happy. i looked out across the water and saw all my lifeguards pulling covers together as a team. life guarding is not about one person, lifeguards work as a team, always. i walked out of the guardroom for the last time and saw the sign that said "mckay, did you clock in/out? double check!!" and i laughed. i saw the old wheelchair, and i laughed again. i let the pool doors close behind me, and i was honestly sad. im going to miss you, pleasant grove pool. oh to top it all off, today while i was guarding, my bosses verdon & joe got on stand and guarded with all of us. it was the best thing of my life.

my favorite memories of work.  

"its slide day, slide day, gotta go down on slide day"
lifeguard survivor
laughing with mckay & chris over everything
the worlds biggest slip-n-slide
trains down the slide
pizza & wendys runs
riding the wheelchair off the diving boards
seeing the umbrella collapse on mckays face.
cooper thomas, need i say more?
team cheers
chaco tan line competitions
playing board games during break
staff pool party
seeing cacey farnsworth at the pool
saving two lives
the best head guards ever, sidney & dustin.
scooter-ing around the pool.
singing country music in the break room
ocean potion
riding the wheelchair into the deep end. (yes ive rode in a wheelchair underwater)




some peoples children....

chemistry will be the death of me. miss angie and i spend almost every afternoon attempting to work on our chemistry homework. were already confused, and this isn't even the hard stuff. they weren't joking when they said it was tough. me and angie sit there, whine, complain and cry about how hard it is. sometimes we call up my best friend shaun to do the chemistry problems for us, because hes a lot smarter than us. while we wait for the answers from shaun, we eat fruit snacks and chocolate, hoping that the problems with somehow magically solve themselves. me and angie tend to get pretty hyper while doing our chemistry homework, and it always turns out in a mess. chemistry can die.
"Assuming a half-life of 1599 y, how many years will be needed for the decay of 15/16 of a given amount of radium-226?"

i dont know, im not albert einstein.