10.01.2011

cleaning out the memories

you know its going to be a good day when you start it off with pancakes from mcdonalds. me and angie woke up at the buttcrack of dawn and went and got ourselves some food, like we always do. shes my best friend.

general conference weekend is good for two things, deep cleaning your room and listening to prophets. i spent 5 hours cleaning my room today. it really needed it. i cleaned the baseboards, dusted every corner, every shelf & surface and vacuumed like 4 times. i went through absolutely everything, and i threw away a  bunch of junk, and gave some of it to DI. i went through every single memory i have in my room. its kind of funny how every single object has a memory attached. i still had crap in my room from boyfriends i had over four years ago. needless to say, i threw that stuff out. my ipod played in the background the entire time, keeping me company. a long with going through all my stuff, listening to music also brings back memories.

i was well into my cleaning endeavour, when mine and josh's old song came on my ipod. he used to sing it to me up at our spot. then i thought of him and how much he's changed. i found random stuff that he had bought me, and i threw it in the pile. i found the old marine dog tags from clancy that i used to wear everyday, and i found things from our christmas. i didn't need it anymore, in fact i didn't want it anymore. i don't know josh anymore. he was the biggest sweetheart at the time, and i don't know what he's become. i found all of our nascar stuff, and packed it up in boxes. that chapter in my life is far beyond closed.

then, chris ledoux came on my ipod. i instantly thought of kolton. chris ledoux is kolton's favorite singer. i thought about him. i thought about how much i miss him. he doesn't talk to me anymore, and he never gave me a real reason why. i thought about the time i wore his hoodie to the emergency room, and he was up at 3 in the morning to make sure i was alright. i thought about how much i miss hearing him sing. i thought about the night we slow danced by the fire. and then i was mad. why doesn't he talk to me anymore? why doesn't he call me to hang out? i never did anything to deserve that. i got up and changed the stupid song.

i found the old cat wallpaper from angies room, that we nick named "kitty peter" i thought of kelsie, and how much i miss hanging out with her. things have changed so much, i wish we could go back to the good old days.

i thought about everything today.
i love thinking. i love cleaning. i love memories.
today was a good day to myself.


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