sorry ive been so disfunctional lately. its almost impossible for me to write a normal blog post anymore. oh well, i guess this is just how things are going to be for a while.
first of all, im just a wreck and a half about college.
mom wants me to go here, dad wants me to go there, and i want to go to utah state.
and even thinking about college stresses me out. i cant afford it.
and on top of that, i don't even know if nursing is what i really want to go into. i thought i was so sure about a nursing major, but now im not sure. what if its really not for me? i don't have a back up plan.
you should know, i worry about everything. i worry about things that will happen ten years down the road. i worry about graduation day, i worry about my wedding day, i worry about my future kids. i know this is outrageously stupid, but i seriously worry that i will never get married. i seriously worry that i will make no friends in college. im worried that no guys will find me interesting. im worried that i wont get a long with anyone. what if i don't find anyone that likes country music? im stressed about getting a long with my room mate. really, these thoughts cross my mind every day.
seriously. i worry about everything.
college stresses me out.
on top of being a worry wart about college all the time, im stressed about this huge chemistry project due in a week. i haven't even started. im also stressed about this lesson i have to teach on monday. i also have to apply for more colleges, apply for housing, apply for scholarships, blah blah blah.
im going to talk about my grandpa here for a second. he's the only grandpa ive ever known in my life. when i was younger, i never really understood who my grandpa was. i took him for granted. i never realized the example he is to me. my grandpa wrote his life story, and its long. i read the whole thing today while sitting in the living room with him. while reading, id pause and look up at my grandpa. its amazing how many things my grandpa has done and seen. i look at his wrinkles and i know hes lived a full life. i look at my grandpa and think of how amazing it is that he was at pearl harbor the day after it happened. he saw all the damage. he was there, but i never knew. i never took the time to find out who my grandpa really is. he is an amazing man.
my grandpa is 86 years old. him and my grandma have been married over 60 years now. if that isn't true love, than i don't know what is. i watched him as he cried over my grandma while she was in the hospital. it broke my heart. he is 86 and he still wakes up early every day and tends to his fields. every day he wakes up and makes sure my grandma is happy and healthy. every day he wakes up and lifts weights. my grandpa is my hero.
my grandpa joined the navy at 17 years old. he was only in the 11th grade. could you imagine being in the navy that young? my grandpa is a dedicated man. he served in the south pacific during world war two. he flew the dive bomber planes. he was an engineer. he works hard for everything he earns. he taught me that with hard work, i can accomplish anything.
my grandpa was a firefighter for the los angeles fire department for thirty years. its one of the most famous fire departments. out of 10,000 people that applied for the job, my grandpa was the one that got it. over thirty years, can you imagine how many lives he has saved? its remarkable. he was an underwater rescuer for 14 years. and all through that, hes showed my grandma unconditional love.
he built this house that i am sitting in with his own two hands. he works for everything. he doesn't complain. he's loved only one woman, and hes fought for our country. he was a hard working firefighter and raised three kids when times were tough. he is the perfect example to me of what a man should be like. my grandpa is the greatest example ive ever had. he is the perfect husband to my sweet grandma. one day i will find love like that.
my grandpa is my hero. i am so thankful that i got the chance to read his life story today. i would have had no idea what a remarkable man my grandpa is.
thanksgiving with the clegg's and tyler's is always interesting. the topic of conversation at the dinner table was marijuana and organ donors. my dads side of the family is just that way...
that moment when your ex boyfriends mom texts you happy thanksgiving because you’re still friends with her. yeah, we talk often.
i saw breaking dawn at the midnight premiere. i never blogged about it because i guess it wasn't worth my time. lets be honest that was the cheesiest movie ive ever seen. i laughed through the entire movie.
my brother has almost been out on his mission for one year. can you believe that? time flies im tellin ya.
i wish i was home. all my friends went and camped outside of cabelas last night for black friday. where the heck was i?
i bought a pair of mens boxers for $1.28. they have my favorite brand of cowboy boots all over them. of course i had to freaking buy them. they are also size XL but whatever, they were 1 dollar.
for any of you cowboy boot lovers out there, reams in lehi is going out of business and all the boots are SO cheap. okay well not so cheap, but marked down a ton. the boots i wanted online were $350, and i found them at reams for $279.
we scored a new dvd player and an ipod touch last night at black friday.
oh, i got all my christmas shopping done already. its completely fine to clap.
i guess i failed to mention that i am in st. george. i will be here until sunday. thanksgiving dinner should be interesting today, there is always family drama. my cousin decided to bring her girlfriend with her to dinner. it will be fun. anyway.
that's all ive got to say for today because ive got to go help gradma cook some food.
oh p.s. i talked to this way cute cowboy last night with this adorable accent. oh dear.
im kinda sad. well scratch that, i am sad. i went to the hospital today for my internship and just expected it to be a normal day. well, i guess i can't really say normal, because every day is different at the hospital. i never know what im going to see. today was one that i wish i didn't have to see. i don't know all the details or the whole story but a mother did some damage to herself, and ended up in the hospital. okay well to put it bluntly, she will be dead by tonight. i cant go into much detail. but i was in her room doing some final care with another PCT. she was alive, but lifeless. it was so obvious to me that her soul had already passed on. yes there was a body there, but no person inside. if you've seen that before, you know exactly what im talking about. its the weirdest thing. i never knew the meaning of "life in your eyes" until today. there was not a single ounce of life left in her eyes. there was no longer a person occupying the body. just distressed breathing. the saddest thing was watching her son in the room, crying. he was about my age. i tried to hold back my tears. whatever the mom did, she did on purpose. i've never been so close to death in my life. it was clear to everyone in the room that the vail was thin. the spirit was in that room, no doubt. i looked at the lifeless body while i changed the sheets, and i knew without a doubt that she was headed to a better place.
i know where she's going, in fact, im sure she's already there. the hospital is a remarkable place, and so are the people that are in it. i'll never forget what i saw in that dark room today and i'll never forget what i felt.
i cant wait to go to basketball games at the spectrum, or go sledding down old main hill. you bet your bottom i'll become a true aggie. people at utah state are wild. i cant wait to go sledding down old main in a canoe or on a couch. im excited to eat aggie ice cream every day and scream in the library at the end of finals week. i cant wait for parties in my dorm and meeting so many new people. utah state is the place for me, i know it. logan is a gorgeous town right by the mountains with lots of cowboys and hard working men. the truck to car ratio makes me giddy. i cant freaking wait.
after the tour, i went and bought a t-shirt.
see you next spring, aggies.
yep, its backwards. it says "hail the utah state aggies"
let's talk about last night. i assure you, it was wonderful. (advanced sarcasm)
today me and angie went on a tour of utah state, but not before we almost died.
yesterday, me angie and my mom drove to logan to stay the night in a hotel for fun. we finally got to logan after the most hellish drive of my entire life. it was a blizzard and i prayed to the good lord above for about 20 minutes straight that we would not crash. anyway, we finally got to logan, three hours later. we were lost as can be and could not find our hotel. we were driving around utah state campus trying to find the dang hotel for what seemed like forever. we got stuck in the snow multiple times, and my anxiety levels were high after the super scary drive.
i had to pee super bad, and i just couldn't hold it anymore. we drove to a random gas station and took a break. after we were done doing our business, my mom went to the cashier man to ask for the directions to our hotel. he had no idea where it was.
i got bored, so me and angie went to go sit back in the car and wait while my mom and the gas station man figured out the address to the hotel. bad idea.
me and angie were sitting in the back seat of the car just talking. out of no where, a truck slammed into the back of my parked car. let me assure you, it was probably the scariest moment of my life. we didn't even see the truck coming because we were sitting in the seats, and the truck hit is from behind, so it was totally a surprise and a shock. its a hard feeling to explain, but it felt like it went in slow motion. the moment i knew what had happened, some explicit things came out of my mouth. i think anige was kind of scared because it was her first accident, but i was livid. absolutely livid. i got out of the car and took in the scene. i was pissed. i went to go tell my mom in the gas station what had just happened. turns out she was already outside because she heard the crash from inside the gas station because it was so loud. we were at the gas station for about an hour and a half waiting for the cops and everything. i was SO pissed. not only had the drive been a living scary hell, we were so lost, it was a blizzard outside, we were starving and we just got hit by a truck. it was my last freaking straw. it was now about 9 at night and no where near the hotel or food.
lesson i learned: when your in a bad situation, a bad attitude only makes it a million times worse. things probably would have been better last night if i wasn't such a little brat about what had happened. my mom was already stressed about the car damage, and i made it worse. i feel bad that i took my anger out on my mom, the accident wasn't her fault. anyway. there is no situation so bad, that a bad attitude wont make worse. so next time something bad happens to me, i will think before i blow up at the situation.
i realized i never blogged about mine and angie's weekend. it was crazy fun, i'll tell you that much. first, we went out to dinner with sage to the one and only costa vida. so good. then some people were causing some drama so we got that taken care of, and then it was party time! we got together with lauren and maressa and we all decided we wanted to go midnight bowling. but first we drove around a round-a-bout close to 30 times. so we ended up getting this sweet VIP bowling room, for free. it was awesome. while we were bowling, we won a free game of lazer tag! and, at 11/11/11 11:11, we all went for a running slide down the bowling lanes! after lazer tag, lauren and maressa went home. me, sage and angie decided we wanted to have some more fun. we decided to go diggin' up at mineral basin in the canyon. BAD IDEA! the trail was icy, and it was snowing. i was seriously scared for my life. we about slid off the mountain at one point. me and my friends are so dumb, but we live for thrills. ya only live once right? ive been digging more times than i can count, but this was the scariest digging experience ive had. we finally got out of the canyon at two in the morning. well, we werent quite done with our night yet. me and angie went to ihop for some pancakes. me and angela finally made it to her house no later than 4:00 AM. it was a night well spent.
six years ago angie passed me a wadded up piece of paper in band class that said "hey." and the rest is history. we've been attached at the hip ever since. i don't think i could imagine life without her. i go to her for everything. we've done everything together. we've dated best friends and we've dated brothers. we've grown into country girls together. she is truly my best friend ever and no one will ever change that or come between the two of us. we know absolutely everything about each other, and we trust each other with our lives. she is the sister that i never had. it doesn't matter what we are doing, we have fun doing it. we've basically grown up together. i will never forget the bajillions of memories we have had together. when i look through the hundreds and hundreds of pictures of us on my computer, i feel nothing but gratitude. i cant thank her enough for all that she has done for me. she's always been there, with every heart break and every argument with family. we complete each other. we can look at each other and know exactly what the other is thinking. we can have a whole conversation just by making face expressions. sure, me and angie get in our arguments and we get annoyed with each other on a daily basis, but we cant be mad for more than five minutes, because then we have to tell each other something. i cant put into words how amazing these last six years have been. my teenage years would have been so different without her. i am so grateful for angie. the memories we have together mean the world to me. when i think of my past, angie is in almost every memory. she's always been there to laugh and be crazy with me. no one will understand how much she means to me.
i love you angie, happy 18th birthday.
i cant believe we've been friends for this long.
we were just 12 years old when we met,
and now look at us applying for colleges together.
here's to many more years, angelica.
18 years old.
12 years old.
facts about my best friend:
1.she doesnt have a middle name2.she has the same birthday as her older sister3.when she writes, she turns her paper sideways4.she'd choose arby's chicken sandwich over wendy's chicken sandwich.5.her nails are usually painted white, if not, they are hot pink6.she's lived in the same house her entire life7.most of her wardrobe is grey8.she used to have cat wallpaper in her room9.she is a picky eater10.she loves fruitsnacks (only the treetop brand), but hates the orange flavored ones11.she drinks water very slowly12.she washes her hair every other day13.she goes to walmart almost daily14.she drives a blue ford tarus. i wont tell you what we call it.15.she owns a pair of Justin cowboy boots she got from gunnies16.she lives for adventure, but she comes off as shy.17.she used to play the piano, and wishes she never quit.18.she puts salt on her apples19.she loves bacon and peanutbutter sandwiches20.her dad wears aviator sunglasses everywhere he goes.
i read a quote somewhere that said "country music fans have such a strong bond with their favorite artists that no one can understand unless you are one."
i agree completely. i wont lie, im still pretty chapped that taylor swift one entertainer of the year at the CMA's. not to be rude, but shes hardly country. she doesnt represent country. it was really awkward when she got on stage and thanked justin bieber, T.I., nikki minaj and usher. those people weren't even at the awards, let alone sing a lick of country music. it was a huge disappointment to watch her on stage getting that award when there are so many other artists with more talent in their pinky finger than she has all together. to watch her at the COUNTRY awards thanking people like justin bieber, while brad paisley, luke bryan, blake shelton, jason aldean, justin moore and everyone else sat there. i felt like she gave country music one big slap in the face. to win entertainer of the year, and then thank a bunch of pop artists. i was embarrassed for her. a true country artist would get up on stage and thank people like waylon, merle, willie, george and johnny cash. she aint country in my book.
anyway, its party time! its angie's birthday weekend and its going to be one heck of a time. tonight were going midnight bowling, and then to ihop after. tomorrow we are going shopping, out to dinner with jared, and then to a party. its gunna be good.
spending time at the hospital every other day is truly one of my greatest blessings. i never thought that a simple high school class would have such an impact on my life. i never realized how happy you can be while you are serving other people. i never realized how a single smile could change someones entire day. humans are incredible. i may not administer drugs, or do anything really important. but i do hold hands, give hugs and words of encouragement when they are needed. its the best feeling in the world to know that you made the slightest difference in someones day. the people i spend time with at the hospital are amazing to say the least. they are such examples to me and they show me exactly what type of nurse i want to be when i get older. i love what i do. yep, i deal with a lot of poop and throw up, but i also deal with strong hearts and brave people. i wouldn't trade this for anything.
You can blend in in the country, you can stand out in the fashion world. Be invisible to a white tail and irresistible to redneck girl. Oh you're my favorite color camouflage!
anyone else as excited for the CMA's tonight as i am? oh i cant wait.
jason aldean is up for entertainer of the year. oh sweet mercy he better win.
i heard the first mean thing come out of angie's mouth today, and i laughed so hard. it actually wasn't the first mean thing but she is usually pretty nice and it caught me off guard. she is sassy! oh how i just love spending six hours straight with angela at school. literally. we have every class together. all year long.
getting sick of the birthday pictures yet? im sorry. but not really.