1.16.2012

deadly combination.

i go through life acting like i know what im doing. i have a plan and i have goals, and i intend on reaching them. since birth, i have been a planning person. since i was little, i have always needed to follow the plan. i get anxiety when things don't go according to plan or if there is no plan at all. so for me, life is a lot easier when i just plan things out. this also causes a lot of unnecessary stress in my life. i tend to plan so far ahead, i cant even concentrate on the now because im so busy planning the future. also with  being a planner, i am very much a worrier. these two things combined are a deadly combination. not only do i plan things for the future, i worry about the future. i worry about my future kids, a lot. and that's like ten years down the road. sometimes i worry so much that i create fake scenarios in my head that make me mad. i worry so much that i over think things and put myself in an automatic bad mood. this weekend i had a mini melt down. i realized for a quick second that i have no plan and i have absolutely no idea what the crap im doing with my life.  with no plans, comes lots of worry. i needed to take a step back and take a chill pill. there is no way i will ever be able to plan and prepare for every moment in my life. there is no possible way. i need to stop worrying so much. i cant control every freaking thing that happens to me. i cant control others, i cant control my friends. i need to stop being such a planning freak and concentrate more on the now.


"i don't know what my future holds, but i know who holds it"



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